A Summer Soul

"I have never seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread." - Psalm 37:25  

The Winter Polaroids by TIE  I really am a summer soul trapped in a winter body.  Winter is so much longer than summer, to me. It stretches the mind out thin, makes it eat itself to survive the cold, dark, lonely nights. When the sun goes to bed earlier, life gets really difficult for me, like so much trauma packed tight over a dark, snowed-in cabin. I used to love winter because it meant visiting with family, people that I only caught glimpses of while growing up the way I grew up. Now I sort of dread it. My worst fears came true this past December, or so I felt. When my family looks at me, I think they see my mother, which I love, but sometimes I think that means I'm not being taken seriously. I long to be understood. That's probably why I write so much, I guess. Over-explain.  We are a special little trio, my mother and sister and I. Two cats and a fella for each girl. We are getting to be girls together! It is a pure and delicate time. I went to sleep too early and wo...

 i miss my [ex-]husband.

 It always circles back to the mothers...

"Kismet  was borrowed into English in the early 1800s from Turkish, where it was used as a synonym of fate. This was an expansion on the meaning of the original Arabic word that led to  kismet : that word,  qisma , means “portion” or “lot,” and one early 18th-century bilingual dictionary says it’s a synonym of “fragment.”"  —  "It's Kismet", Merriam-Webster.com

  "Now if you're looking for a savior, well, that's not me."   -Lorde, The Path So Lorde is back.     The significance of this -- of all the little things that had to fall into place to be in a similar headspace as this literal pop icon after whom I've patterned myself since 2013 -- is astronomical (hehe).      First things first, however...     I sleep through the night now;  I no longer look with yearning at certain tools of destruction; I wake up and want to live; I can tell my story without dissolving into sobs; I drink hot tea every morning before work; I serve my small town as a bastion against illiteracy and misinformation, spending paid time amongst the quiet and the sacred rows of books. I've found kindred spirits (read huge nerds ) in my fellow laborers. I've read 11 and 1/2 books this year (but that's a post for another time  😉). I spend a little less time on my phone placing the weight of the world on my shoulders and ...

 When I was a kid, I didn’t understand why Michael Jackson bought so many toys and super soakers. I didn’t get the childishness and the yearning for younger days; I wanted to grow up and do the traditional Motherhood thing I was always pretending with my baby dolls. I get it now. Now that I know the scope of my tragedy, I totally get it. Lately, I find myself unable to sleep at night. My mind just won’t turn off, tumbling over and over the same fragment of a song, or searching to find the tactile part of a memory of my little sister playing with my hair as we tried to fall asleep during a long, dark night in North Carolina. I’ll toss and turn until finally I grab my phone and start looking up old toys from my childhood: a dollhouse here, a set of pretend play plastic there; recently, I purchased a book, a Beanie Baby, and an old movie I remember watching in 2013. This new part of me, this yawning ache for the untainted familiar, wants to buy every piece I see — every pre-owned bit ...

 Fascinating. "If you're holding on to frustration [at what happened to you], then that's you saying, 'Well, I blame God. He let this happen to me. Where was He in all that?' Then you might want to talk to Him about that." "There's no such word as 'can't' in the Bible. We don't find that concept in Scripture." "Jesus came to heal and restore all things." "Take every [remembrance of abuse, every trigger] thought captive in Christ." It's so much easier said than done. May He help me to not lose sight of how very heavy a young person's cross can be. Look: Someday others will have words for what happened to them, and they will use them. Don't assume you know how quickly that healing or restoration is supposed to happen. Don't assume they blame anyone but themselves or their abuser; assume they have discussed it at length with their God, trying to unlearn Him as consistently wrathful, dispassionate a...

In the last few weeks, I watched four films dealing with loss, and the ways humanity deals with theft, whether of bright futures, loved ones, healthy relationships, or freedoms. Didn't realize the connections between them all until literally just now, when I started to write in my down time (of which I suddenly have much).

Recently saw a post by an old mentor from my Leadership Training days that said, "Your destiny is coming forth and it looks like inconvenience."

Christmas passed like a dream this year, with peace and the most refreshing silence, surrounded by the most beautiful hills and the kindest people. From the short front porch in a rocking chair with a singing wind chime, I surveyed the little town on Christmas morning and deeply wished I didn't have to go home.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  –  Matthew 11:28-29  NLT

The url says Mrym Music, and yet there has been little to no music, so here's me singing a cover of an extremely relevant song as quickly and succinctly as I can before my mom's dog starts baying at the frogs in his water bowl again. :)

2 Corinthians 12:9  – Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me.

I want to say thank you to the church down the road that opened their arms to us this morning.  I have the co-pastor's wife's number in my phone right now and I can call her whenever I need to. 

tem·per·a·men·tal /ˌtemp(ə)rəˈmen(t)l/ Learn to pronounce adjective 1. (of a person) liable to unreasonable changes of mood. synonyms: volatile, excitable, emotional, overemotional, mercurial, capricious, erratic, unpredictable, changeable, inconsistent, unstable, hotheaded, fiery, explosive, hot-tempered, short-tempered, quick-tempered, irritable, irascible, impatient, petulant, prima donna-ish, melodramatic.

“F or He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation.” - Ephesians 4:3

"It's the last day of June. I thought we had one more day to go."

B eing confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 1:6